Where are you?
In a non slutty way
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
