Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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