FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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