You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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