Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
