Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
