am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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