i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
