Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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