yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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