Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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