He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
