i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
