I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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