I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
