take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
