Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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