I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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