sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
