i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
