I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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