He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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