I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
