I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
