I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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