Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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