Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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