is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
