$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
