Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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