She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
