Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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