____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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