I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this just has baby written all over it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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