This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
