shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
