keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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