Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
