The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
