u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
