toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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