I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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