my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
