life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
