You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
