I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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