this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
