dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
