Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
