who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Even my vagina gasped.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
