i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
