He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
vagina is talking i cant
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
